Give me the words to say.

The world is not sin-free. It comes with sin-fat and all that bitter-sugar attached. The world tastes good, but then the pounds start packin'. Packin' bad stuff. Cellulite included, free of charge.
The world wants to consume people. It wants the world be full of screwed up individuals. The world ruins friendships and etc.
Sin separates man from God.
We are to be more like him, not ourselves.

Ugh..I'm still so annoyed by the whole event. Stupid TV.

Lord what has become of this world. Even the churches are corrupt. Sin is so deceiving that its taking over and ruining people. I feel like people are forgetting who you are. They are losing grips with you. Lord I pray for kiki. I pray that you will show him grace and mercy! I don't know if he really did what I read. It was too unbearable for me to even imagine. He has a girlfriend, he was the director of the worship, he had so many wonderful things. Why would he do that?! I just can't process it. I knew this person. Its not just some random guy on the news being convicted. Its different now that I actually know the person in the mug shot on the screen. Because of his actions, he lost whatever respect he had, he lost friends, and more. The only thing he didn't lose was you. You were with him when he did it. You were there watching, telling him not to. But his flesh overcame. I'm so shocked. Its so sad..

Made my day, it truly did<3 love you prima!
"I completely get you. evrryody has their menta where they just feel very overwhelmed and stressseddd.and it really dosnt help when ppl come to u for help to fix their problems when u hardly even know how to fix ur own. just know that u have ppl who reallly care about u and love u and are here for u. No matter how shattered u feel..never lose ur hope.that small spec of it that u have left is what's going to keep u going.neverrrrrrr stop smiling.neverr stop being joyous.that's what takes u to new levels.when ur able to over come things by looking on the bright side by having a genuine smile on ur face knowing that the love of god is what's pulling u through.now there's always a time to cry.never hold back ur feelings and ur tears.that's wayyyy too hard and only brings up pain.just rest in the lord and enjoy urself. I love you more than you know(:"

love changes people.

The whole world revolves around love.
the need for love, the want for love etc.
love is what ties everything together.

many people in this world believe that love can only be felt.
but love can be seen, spoken, shouted, read, written, and more.
love defies gravity,
love defies all known laws,
love is a subject, all in its own.

the void of love is what drives people to find it elsewhere.
thats where problems arouse.
the empty spaces in the soul, where love never resided, is finding a filler.
people try and find it in people, friends, jobs, hobbies, etc.
but do the truly find everlasting love? no, they dont.
the space just gets deeper and deeper.
scars start healing and breaking over and over.

it wasn't until i came back to God that he started showing me that loving someone was okay.

just because you got hurt once doesnt mean that your heart looses the capability to love again.

the true source of love is hidden in plain sight! some people just ignore the truth.
well, what truth Jeanine?
GOD IS LOVE.
he is the creator of that great thing called love.
but his love is like no other.
his love is all you really need.
it resides in your soul...forever.

you just have to ask God.
as simple as that.

You can change the world, with your hands behind your back. All you have to do is give it your all and don't step back when it seems likes its starting to unravel.

I love you and I want you to be happy. That's all I want.

Well, today was quite exciting.
It was around 7:05 am. When I decided to clean my ears.
I used q-tips. Its basically the only way I was ever taught to clean my ears. I ended up shoving the q-tip too inside my ear. I ended up pushing all the ear wax further inside. Thus, my ears started bleeding. I currently haven't been able to hear from my right ear all day. Chewing was like a mini drum concert in my ears. I ate at around 12, because for some reason, I thought I couldn't eat. To cut this story short, I got some medication for my ear and ill be good as new in no time! :)

"Hey, hey rambo."
"Hey, hey pancake with extra syrup and whipped cream."
"Hey, hey cupcake with buttercream i-icing."
"Hey hey you. Hey hey house in toilet."
"How do ya do?"

-conversation with my grandpa and steven- rofl. Made no sense, but made me laugh.

Oh,I've also noticed that what you call your friends aren't really friends. I've been so blind that other people have to make it obvious for me. Why can't everyone be innocent and loving? What ever happened to morals? they've been swallowed into non-existence. That's what happened. We all have freedom of speech to say and print what we please. But what's the point of saying something that didn't come out of your own soul?
You can stand behind the 5th ammendment and defend your cause. It doesn't mean that your reasons are right. Two lefts don't make a right.
Just remember, the lead always gets caught.
I'm pretty much sick of fake people.
People with substance are worth more than watered down copies. Something to think about.

"God has given you special talents- now its your turn to give them back to God." - Marie T. Freeman.

I'm going to finish my book.
I'm going to write a chapter every day.
I'm going to finish what I start.
To god be the glory,
Jeanine.

Temptation comes in countless forms.
For instance, my dad bought donuts.
There are two boxes of two dozens glazed and custard filled donuts. They are in arms reach. But I'm going to stick to my plan of not eating any unnecessary sugar. I haven't eaten a donut since 8th grade. Its been 2 years. I think ill survive. If not, ill let you know.haha

I tend to say things to people that I really shouldn't. I open myself to undercover backstabbers. Sometimes, the things that are leaked, slap me in the face and remind me that you can only trust a few people. And even then, can you really trust the few?

You have freedom of speech, I get it.
Just remember, you'll always get caught and in the end, you'll be the one with the backstabbing reputation.
I wonder who your next victim will be?
I know for sure, it won't be me.

Sometimes we do things in perforce.
Not because we want, but because we should. The critics don't believe in such things. They believe that we always have the power to choose what we want and what we do.
But we don't.
Though we wish we could do as we please, we can't. There's always an invisible force that jeopardizes the outcome. sometimes its the effect we wanted and somtimes it isn't.
The effect is what leads us to become or to not become. The choice to do either one, is yours. Not the crowd, not family, not anyone but yourself.
You choose what you want to be.
Circumstances just pave the way.
You choose the road you want to take.
Road of destruction and pain with a dead end.
Or the road of trials and love that leads to fullfillment and eternity with God, almighty.

Don't make me laugh.

This week of april 19-23, my mother came to the visits at around 7:50 on tuesday. And thursday, she left at 7:15. Where did she leave?
That's pretty simple.
To stock my father.

She is currently in front of my house.
I woke up to the sound of her banging the windows and the door of our house. Thank god for me, I have the shutters in place on my window. She just keeps slammin' as I write this.

Dear you,
Keep it comin'
I'm not afraid anymore.
Love,
Jeanine.

Undo

I went to lunch today and the lady said that I didn't need money. I looked at the info tab and I had $10 in my account. My dad wouldn't put money into my account, because he has no money. I was with my bestfriend and we both turned to each other and thought the same thing: my mom had figured out my ID number. I went to the office during my last class to talk to the assistant principal, the secretary lady said that he was busy talking to someone. I asked what the person looked like and she practically defined my mom. She said, "a lady with really frizzy hair." I thanked her, and I walked quickly back to class. Its really funny, how I suspected that it was her and I was right. I'm going to talk to the assistant principal Tomorrow about it.

I went to my cousins birthday party yesterday. downtown and I had a really nice day! :) it was pouring, but nonetheless, I had a great time.

I hate it when people tell me that I'm going to grow up to be like my mom. These people know about my mom and what she is. If there's anything that someone can say to really make me upset, it would be that. I'm not my mom, I never will be. Maybe I'm not ready to open up to her, most likely, I never fully will. If you were me for a day, you wouldn't be able to take it. I couldn't be you for a day either. So, Stop saying that ill be like her, keep your opinion to yourself. I don't want to hear it. Thanks for ruining my monday.

I got my first, "Hope" bracelet. Its an organization that gives food and clothes to homeless people. This poem is about the organization:

Let's assume that everythings all good
the lights are still on,
And the waters still running

Let's think for a moment
About everything that's taken for granted
People included.

Let's stop and ponder
On the souls that are being taken
Because of all of the things we take for granted
Things that could change whether someone dies or breathes for another moment.

What if we all stopped and thought
About someone besides ourselves
Thought about something bigger than our wants, Something that rhymes with others leads,
The word is others needs.

What wouldve happened if we all thought for someone who truly had nothing.

A random song, pertaining to an experience someone told me.
System:

Everytime I see you,
My heart it starts to bleed
Bleed memories into my system
Memories of you and me

I tried to look beyond the problems
I tried until I lost myself
And now I see that I look better
Without you taggin' along.

sometimes I find myself thinking
what id be like
If you and me, were still an item
If you and me, were one

But then I wake up to reality
and it reassures me,
That I look better without you.

i might make a youtube page

yeah, i just might.

gabriella diaz

Psalm 118:8-
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.

God has been trying to teach me this lesson, and I keep pushing it aside for another time.
I end up getting upset at the people who aren't there for me when I need them,
But its not them.
Its a battle I have within myself.
I'm not giving God my problems,
I'm giving them to people.
And they don't exactly tell me what I need to hear, so I'm always starting from square one.
Injuring friendships in the process.
I want it to end.
I want it to cease and land at the pile which is titled, "learned."

My favorite verse speaks so loud. God has been trying to tell me, but I've been so ignorant and blind that I've closed my ears from comprehending.

Psalm 46:10- Be Still, and know that I am God.

I'm going to be still,and trust in you<3

I would go far away,
On an excursion that no-one else could pay
I'd pay the dues
I'd pack my bags and hop on an airplane
I'd be in alaska by the next day,
I'd buy a little house near a town
With so many windows that I'd grow muscles when I cleaned them
I'd buy a nice couch and a tv
I'd make a room for when I get inspired
A comfy couch and wall to wall bookshelves would be all that I need
Some food would keep me alive,
And water as well
I would write until my fingers become bent and broken
And still,I would keep writing
During hurricanes, blizzards, and every other thing nature has to offer
I'd survive and I'd write an account of my story
The world would read and they'd wonder how I'd be halfway across the world but still feel what they feel
They would scratch their heads and wonder
I would scratch my own head
Then I'd go and write about this head-scratching and write something I never thought I would

I'm just going to do my best to keep my mouth shut.
To hold in all that I feel and wait for a paper to release it all.
I'm going to let mold settle and when its time, ill scrape it out and morph it into words.
And even then, would I know what to say? Or would I say the wrong thing?
Would I have to start over, with an indent already in place from before.
Would I lose whatever I had sworn to pursue.

I would be the one with the chalk, in the middle of nowhere, blasting rock music in my ears, trying to write a best-seller.
I'd imagine my soul intact in a jar, a magnifying glass in hand
I'd decipher the grooves and the dents engraved in the red walls of my soul.
I'd translate them into words that I didn't even know could come out of something so small
I'd suprise myself,
I'd write a best-seller, even with a piece of chalk and a board as the only way to convey the message

I'd surprise myself, If I did.

"Lord, I just want to dwell in who you are. Beautiful, oh I am lost for more to say.
Beautiful, Beautiful, oh lord, your beautiful to me.
Holy
Holy
Holy
You are,
Holy
Holy
Holy
You are, you are." - Kari Jobe

Dear you,
Why is it so impossible for you to say no? Say no to everything that should be against you and your morals.
I tried to influence you, but you grew immune.
Underneath the mask lies someone who I wish I knew
Built upon expectations and opinions
One day, your kingdom will
Uncover the blunders and the things which don't let you
try and make it right again.
For yourself and your family
For me
Because I truly care, I just don't know what to do anymore.

"Jeanine, get a life."

honestly, i find it rather hmm..whats the word?
ah, i got it.
childish.
they say that as you get older you get more mature.
apparently, that doesn't apply to everyone.
personally, i dont know you.
but boy, do actions speak louder than words.
i dont know your motives or your intentions and if i asked you,
im pretty sure i wouldn't get the answer i assumed.
blocking me from your page was pretty lame,
but i would've done it too.
i laughed when i found out, i actually found it pretty funny.
i got the impression that you felt threatened by me.
hunny, im three years younger than you.

your "sister" stepped over the line, a bit.
just because i like a status doesn't mean that i agree.
i found it funny and stupid so i liked it.
that doesn't mean i dont have a life,
its just means i have a sense of humor.

idk if you'd ever read this, but if you do
please leave a comment.
take my advice and
lighten up, or you'll fall even harder.
dont ever lose a friend for a guy.
guys come and go,
REAL friends stay and are true.
Oh and dont make a guy your life, when to Him your only an option.
cause at the end you'll be the one all shattered and broken.
hopefully you see what you've become and you change.
hopefully, youll see that you look better without Him (;

Goodbye,
Jeanine

The bill-6 got vetoedddd!

"You are the everlasting God,
the everlasting God.
You don't faint,
you won't grow weary.
You give strength to the weak."

He's so amazing.

Unknown.

for once in my life, i dont know what to say.
i dont think i want to say anything..but i must.
plain and simple, a moment sparked a memory for me today.
a memory that ive tried so hard to forget that i assumed had been squished into fossilized remains.
It happened when i was at school today.
the bell had rung and i walked out to the entrance of the school.
as soon as i sat down next to my friend, i saw my mother in her green villager as she drove by.
slowly onlooking to find me, to no avail.
she didnt see me, but i saw her.
i could see her through the big yellow buses and the billions of students that were in front of me.
for some odd reason, i saw her as clear as day.
It was as if i felt her presence.
i did what i thought i could do.
i got up and went into the school.
i walked upstairs cause it was the safest place i could think of.
i rummaged through my binder to see if i had the court order and i did.
i sat in a corner with my back against the wall, almost as if to hide.
Then, it hit me.
i remembered when my mom started being abusive with me,
the first day that she said those words that i once hated more than anything in this world,
"I want a divorce."
she told my dad that she was going to take me and my little brother steven.
she tried to take me along too, but i ran outside and i hid next to the air vent.
i sat there and tried so hard to be invisible.
when she came outside to look for me,
she didnt see me.
she didnt find out where i was till afterwards.
i was so deadly afraid that i hid.
i hid from my fear.

out of all the horrible things my mother has ever said or done to me,
THAT. was one of the worst moments i could ever recall.
its seems so crazy that this is still happening.
i want it all to end.
all her torment, to cease and bury itself in the ground.

id rather not have spoken this so thats why i wrote it.
i write with my heart wide open and it feels so good to have spread that out.
-sigh-
thank you for listening.

I want to be a famous and successful journalist already.
Period.

the other side

I'm currently at my moms now..(Moms not here.)
That's the only bummer of my day.
I'm in the bathroom, writing this to the world. Somewhat feeling disconnected from what's behind the door. Its nice, quiet peace. I'm reading the book, "Night" by elie wiesel again for class, I love the book so its going to be nice to read it again.

I hate it when people think its okay to only be friends with someone when its convienient to them.
People, make up your mind.
Be friends with each other or don't be friends at all.
Grow up.