Unknown.

for once in my life, i dont know what to say.
i dont think i want to say anything..but i must.
plain and simple, a moment sparked a memory for me today.
a memory that ive tried so hard to forget that i assumed had been squished into fossilized remains.
It happened when i was at school today.
the bell had rung and i walked out to the entrance of the school.
as soon as i sat down next to my friend, i saw my mother in her green villager as she drove by.
slowly onlooking to find me, to no avail.
she didnt see me, but i saw her.
i could see her through the big yellow buses and the billions of students that were in front of me.
for some odd reason, i saw her as clear as day.
It was as if i felt her presence.
i did what i thought i could do.
i got up and went into the school.
i walked upstairs cause it was the safest place i could think of.
i rummaged through my binder to see if i had the court order and i did.
i sat in a corner with my back against the wall, almost as if to hide.
Then, it hit me.
i remembered when my mom started being abusive with me,
the first day that she said those words that i once hated more than anything in this world,
"I want a divorce."
she told my dad that she was going to take me and my little brother steven.
she tried to take me along too, but i ran outside and i hid next to the air vent.
i sat there and tried so hard to be invisible.
when she came outside to look for me,
she didnt see me.
she didnt find out where i was till afterwards.
i was so deadly afraid that i hid.
i hid from my fear.

out of all the horrible things my mother has ever said or done to me,
THAT. was one of the worst moments i could ever recall.
its seems so crazy that this is still happening.
i want it all to end.
all her torment, to cease and bury itself in the ground.

id rather not have spoken this so thats why i wrote it.
i write with my heart wide open and it feels so good to have spread that out.
-sigh-
thank you for listening.