not surprised

i was looking for a book that i needed to read and 
i went through the books in my dads bookcase. 
i found a journal, it looked empty so i opened it.
what i found was really weird.
i found my moms journal from 2002, i was in 3rd grade back then.
throughout whatever she wrote, she never talked about me.
she talked about my dad being selfish cause he wanted to go fishing. ( seriously?)
and she prayed for my brothers outbursts of anger.
she was always asking for forgiveness, 
i read it and i felt like all she knew how to do was 
to see her weaknesses. she just said, "help me." 
in five different other forms. 
she focused/focuses too much on her flaws rather than accepting them 
and moving forward.
thats still a factor in her to this day.
she see's the flaws and makes them seem like Godzilla.
well, she doesn't think at all now. 
IT is controlling her, and shes just the tool.
i was not in any part of the diary. 
how strange.