Off the record,

honestly, i have more than a few words to tell you.
i imagine spilling out my anger on you, making you melt into a puddle.
and in turn,
you'd evaporate and condensate and come back to life again.
you never go away.
no matter how hard i try, you don't disintegrate.
and its not you im talking about..its your other you.
yeah,keep denying it. why wont you..

i hate it that your blood is running through my veins,
i wish genetics can be reversed by mental decisions not heredity.
you make life so unbearable, so unencumbered.
you make me vomit who i am, and swallow someone im not.
i dont want to show Gods love to you,
cause personally..i just cant.
it eats me up inside, you just take things the wrong way.

you never give me the credit i deserve.
when i called them to get you,
no one told me..no.
i did it.
I called.
i thought you'd finally see.
but your blinder than you present yourself to be.
you hurt me too much for me to take you back and act as if everything was always the same; as if nothing changed.
i cant, i wont.

you gave up.
on life.
on yourself.

so, why should i give you another chance?
so i can get hurt again, and have to live with another scar.

i dont think so.

im smarter than you put me to be.
ive got more up my sleeve.
there just hidden.
you get what you give.
you reap what you sow.

you cant buy me.
im smarter than that.
so stop trying to make it seem like you care by buying me all these things that i dont even need.
i dont want anything from you
just silence.
peace.

i dont like you.
i think ive made it pretty clear.
Jeanine